Monday morning
The influx of friends asking questions regarding a certain fear I have, makes me reconsider what I’m sharing.
On another note, don’t attempt to capture a ghost with a jar. Trust me.
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The influx of friends asking questions regarding a certain fear I have, makes me reconsider what I’m sharing.
On another note, don’t attempt to capture a ghost with a jar. Trust me.
| Me: | As much as I love comic books and superheroes, I draw the line at dressing up at conventions. No hate, just not my thing. I'll stick to my superhero shirts. |
| M: | Really? Of all the weird shit you do, THAT'S where you draw the line? Really? |
| Me: | Looks like we still know how we roll. |
Earlier in the new year, I was plagued with the thought of finding “meaning”. Meaning to my existence.
Yes, yes. you’ll say EVERYONE gets all introspective like this sometime or another. Well some those people also settle on the easiest answer presented to them; “Oh you need a vacation”, “We all need to work”, Blah blah. Few years ago, I also questioned this. Came close to an answer. Then thought I’d approach it another way. Somewhere between that time to now, I ignored it though. You know how sex, comic books and life does things.
Well here I was sitting, having a nice chat with my internal self. Working away on project “coyote”, when I started thinking. If this project goes well, it’ll be a start to a bigger plan I have. And as usual, a tune kicks in and I eventually trail off to another area of discussion. That’s when I revisited “What is my purpose?”. I’m sure we’ve all asked ourselves this and brushed it off. But how many of us have pondered this thoroughly?
I’m currently working in a career I love, and I am working towards a cause I feel strongly about. I’m surrounded by people who love me, and once in a while I help those who need it. Yet somewhere, back there. Way back in my mind, something is asking, what’s your purpose on this planet? Am I on this planet to create? to help? or to destroy? Some would say I’m here to create because I’m good at drawing. Others would respond with I’m here to help because I care a lot about wildlife. Don’t get me started on “Destruction”. Philosophers placed this problem on us centuries ago and we’ve only learned and built from there. The more I ponder, the more I work myself into a psychological/philosophical loop. It becomes a paradox. The fucked up thing is, no matter how much you think, or try to solve it. There is no way of KNOWING for sure what the meaning of your existence is. The easy fix is “running away” or going away to “clear your mind”. Yeah that’s all fine and dandy, but doing that only ignores the problem at hand. You can go your whole life doing something you love, and chances are that’s what your “meaning” is. but there also exists the possibility that you can go your whole life wondering this and …
never find out.
That’s fucked up.
Goodnight.
Listened to this many times already.
Hanging On (Living Phantoms remix) - Ellie Goulding
As featured on the God of War: Ascension tv spot. A game in which I’m making sure I get. Can’t wait.
| Me: | You're the second person to give me heck for not "Sharing". |
| 1: | Maybe we just want to make sure you don't go crazy. |
| Me: | Maybe I want to see how far I can go? |
| 1: | You might be sorry |
| Me: | Although 'might' sometimes represents a possibility greater than 0, there is still the possibility that it's less than 1. |
| 1: | Shut up |
Written at 3am. By the time this is published, it’ll be later today. So this is a test … *wailing ghost noises* Froooom the paassst.
I’ll just take a bit of a mental dump here.
As I continue to mentally ingest tons of knowledge from various academic materials. The more I want. I mean, WANT. I didn’t stop to think how much I’ve learned on my own until tonight. However, I’ve noticed I’m being consumed by my need to consume information.
Not sure how I feel about that …
When things don’t feel right. I withdraw.
That’s how I roll.
Few weeks more, and this dark cloud goes away.
Hopefully.
So you return, once in a while.
To hang a dark cloud.
Your visit is brief. But seems like a long stay.
Waiting for you, to leave.
